On Social Anxiety —
Why is it that certain situations cause me no anxiety whatsoever — like being on a stage — where as others, like approaching and starting a conversation with someone at an event, cause me massive anxiety, and as a result, I resist doing them?
I guess the default answer is to go back to when I was a kid and isolate different situations that did or did not go well. There were certainly moments that were better (or worse) than others. I still remember wanting to go hide in the corner when my (vegetarian) mom would ask the waiter at any Mexican restaurant if their beans were made with pork fat, which in those days normally meant bringing out the manager (I’m turning red already.)
What if all of us socially anxious people are really just one step away from breaking the ice with another socially anxious person? Our approaching them could be what helps to break out of the cycle. Maybe our social “anxiety” is really just a lack of purpose in approaching a specific person.
What if I approached each person I interact with as a mission; a mission to help them and myself to overcome our social barriers. A mission to make one more connection in humanity that hopefully will result in more connections to follow. A mission to have a greater wholeness within myself and to show someone else, and the part of me that resists it, that most people are good, and they do care.
And of course, the big fear being that, what if I interact with someone who is not “good”, not nice, that is abrasive, rude, egotistic, is that the type of “stranger” you’re told not to talk to? Thinking about it, that “don’t talk to strangers” line alone may be the cause of a big portion of our social aversion as adults. Forgive me for not already having it, but I guess that’s where developing “thick skin” comes in. It’s the breakdown part of building that social muscle. If I can view those situations as an observer, I can get a deeper understanding of my own emotions. And at this point in my life I have to understand and realize that no person can make me feel a certain way. If I take what they say, their attitude, or their words personally, that’s my own choice. I could instead look to perceive what they may be going through that causes them to react a certain way, and I’m sure if I were to really dive into the details, I could have nothing but empathy for them.
On another hand, I find myself not wanting to bother, disturb, or offend, so instead I avoid. But perhaps in doing so I am actually doing the most offensive thing possible, I’m ignoring you. Isn’t that the worst treatment you can get from someone, the cold shoulder?
So I say this to myself — you can’t ignore the people that so desperately need a genuine interaction. You have to be the one to give that to them, in your community. By continuing to live inside this bubble, you are harming others by not putting every piece of yourself out there to reach them.
So I’m putting my social fears to rest. I’m seeking out interactions, not avoiding them. I’m putting appointments, meetings, and lunch dates on my calendar, not clearing it. I’m not hiding anymore.
