Those Who Can, Do Teach.

I decided I wanted to be a musician one day in study hall in 10th grade. Sitting there in absolute silence, there was a lot of noise in my mind. At that time, I had no idea what it even meant to pursue music, and I knew nothing about the music industry.

I knew that everyone said “it’s all about who you know”. I knew that people were getting discovered on Myspace (yes, Myspace.) My experience till that point was attending a few rock concerts, and downloading a bunch of albums on Kazaa (remember those days?) , this was a time before the constant ding of notification bells, before Youtube was a career, when Facebook was for college students, and when you could be indignant about Jason Mraz not getting the recognition he deserved.

My journey as a musician has been a winding one, and has led me down some interesting roads. After 11 years of coming up against some walls, I’ve learned a lot about myself, and I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on what goals are really meaningful, and what goals are influenced by media consumption. In fact, if attainment of those extrinsic goals is what makes a person a musician, then I’m not one. I’ve never been signed to a record label. So far, I’ve released on EP and it was a major flop, and I’ve played more restaurant and cruise ship gigs than I care to admit. I will say that my greatest success has not come from the stage, but from the classroom, and the hundreds of students that I’ve had the pleasure (and frustration) of working with. It’s not ever what I expected from myself as a musician, but it is everything that I could have ever hoped for all the same.

I will unashamedly admit that watching the first season of American Idol influenced me a lot in my dreams to be a musician — hey, I was only 12 at the time. Illusions of coming out of obscurity and “making it big” influenced millions of aspiring artists, and still do today with shows like “The Voice” and “America’s Got Talent” being viewed as the mecca for anyone who can sing or play an instrument.

I have so much to say about this, but mainly what I want to say is this: you could say I haven’t “succeeded” as a musician, a recording artist, or a performer. But also, what I want to say is… Thank God. Because those goals were never my own, and the path I’ve been able to tread has begun to bring me more joy, satisfaction, and enthusiasm than I ever could have had otherwise. Maybe there are some goals that you’ve gone after with all your might. Maybe you’ve self-sabotaged, or just stopped short of succeeding. If you have, let me save you some time and money on therapy…there is nothing wrong with you. I believe that you and I are driven by different desires, different needs than what has been presented to us as being “successful”.

Skip to today. I am wrapping up my 2nd year as an elementary music teacher. I have started a program teaching Ukulele to kids at a studio my fiance Danielle and I run together. I’ve recently decided to stop playing restaurant gigs, and I’ve put writing songs on hiatus, so I can focus on developing the best curriculum for our students. For the first time in years, I see that my pursuit of a “creative” field was actually the exact opposite of creativity, it was completely limited. And this very routine, structured lifestyle has somehow paradoxically opened up the creative stream.

Think about it — if you want to be a musician, the path is very clear, though it’s not quite a straight line. Write a bunch of songs, find a producer, get into a recording studio, get an album cover made, write with other artists, form a band, build a fan base, promote on social media. Put your songs on spotify, play record label showcases, take every gig, go to every town and play every show (whether you get paid or not). Exposure, exposure, exposure. Write, do something unexpected, create a brand, get artsy photos done. Record another EP, another album, promote, tour, play for exposure. Lots more social media, and audition for every reality TV show.

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why artists who get to the top of the ladder, like Kurt Cobain, could still feel such emptiness, and why “successful” musicians (actors, etc.) often have drug problems. I can’t say that I have the answer, but I will say that pursuing extrinsic success seems to go against what Daniel Pink in his book “Drive” lists as the greatest motivating forces, “autonomy, mastery, and purpose”. This book is a game changer, it talks about why external motivators (such as paying a kid to take out the garbage) are actually completely demotivating over time. So take a kid that starts out in high school playing music because it’s the only thing that makes sense, a kid who’s just completely self-motivated and driven to music — now put him in a situation where he is writing his next album to fulfill a contractual obligation, or to get the next platinum-plaque (which by the way, is merely a sales award) on the wall. Suddenly, the place where that kid always turned to feel full inside is devoid of the original meaning and purpose that he sought. Now he just feels empty, and has access to every temptation that feeds on his emptiness.

I have nothing against success, or making money through music. There are people who thrive on fame, and who live completely balanced lives while maintaining critical acclaim and selling millions of albums. I applaud them, but in their shadows are millions of people with incredible gifts that are being squandered by those who are whoring themselves out because they (like myself) want to fill a void and receive the attention, admiration, significance, and contribution that they think will come with success, when all of those things could be just as easily achieved right now.

Tony Robbins defines the 6 basic human needs as “significance, growth, contribution, certainty, uncertainty, and love”. My point is simply this — take the straight road to those end goals, don’t get caught up in the middleman. If you think, like many do, “I’ll get on American Idol, then I’ll grow, then I’ll have significance, then I’ll have love”, you lose. Even if you win, you lose. Instead, take the efficient approach — “What can I do today, using the gifts I have, to fulfill my 6 human needs in the quickest way possible?”.

This may require you to do something that American culture tells us we shouldn’t do. It may require you to stop in your tracks and change direction. It may feel like you’re moving in the wrong direction, until you feel the love, until you feel the significance, and realize it’s not anyone else’s opinion of you that makes you significant. Serving someone else can make you significant. Volunteering at a homeless shelter, or serving on the PTA can make you significant. It can also make you insignificant, if you’re not wired for that, and you think that’s a meaningless impact. The point is, you’re wired for something, and it’s not what you’re being fed from any source of media outside you. It’s not in any of the books that you’re reading, or the articles (like this one). It is within you even now, and if you’re living it, you know you are. If you’re not, only you can change that. Start asking questions that lead you autonomy, mastery, and purpose.

Flash forward to today. Yes, there are many frustrations I have about teaching, and I’ve been torn many time about feeling that I’m taking a step back by not focusing on developing my craft as a songwriter and artist. I had originally planned for this year to be dedicated to writing and recording more, and putting out that long-awaited (by myself, only) next EP. I put out a single last year that was way better than anything I had recorded previously, and I just started teaching Ukulele to make extra money so I could get back in the studio. But you know what, I realized that it just didn’t feel right. Instead, I’m giving myself room to breathe, to live, and to grow as a person. I’ll get back in the studio when I’m good and ready, when I have something to say and something to share in that medium, and when I have something that I’m truly ecstatic about promoting because I know that people need to hear it. Until then, I’ll be focused on reaching 1,000 kids, teaching them to play “Smoke on the Water” (and whatever else they want to learn) because I’ve realized that that excitement is what I really care about sharing. I haven’t figured out how to write or record anything that brings out that excitement — but I have figured out that if you put an instrument in someone’s hand, and show them how to play it, the excitement will follow.

And when you share the excitement you have about what you love with someone, suddenly you feel contribution, you feel growth, you feel significance, you feel certain that you’ve done something valuable, you feel surprised every time at the mistakes a person can make, and how they can overcome them. And finally you feel love for the thing you’ve shared. You’ve fulfilled all of your human needs, and you’re addicted to sharing your gifts with other people.

My journey is still beginning, follow it, and share yours with me. I’d love to hear about it.